I decided to start this blog to help me cope with the amputation of my dogs right front leg. Harley is a Shetland Sheepdog (Sheltie) we bought when our oldest daughter was 2. He has been a part of our family for almost 7 years now. In May of this year he was hit by a car and suffered multiple breaks. It was around 10:30 on a Sunday night. My husband and I were getting ready to go to bed. We always let him out to use the bathroom right before bed. Although the county we live in does have a leash law, we had trained Harley not to leave the yard. We also have 3 small children so it wasn’t easy to try and take him out on a leash every time he had to go out. I will admit when he was younger he had, on occasion, wondered off, but he was quite a bit older and we hadn’t had that problem in quite some time. He had a thing about using the bathroom in the yard, so he would walk down to the end of the driveway and go on the other side of the ditch. It was actually quite nice that he did that. We didn’t have to worry about stepping in dog crap in our front yard. We also lived in a neighborhood with lots of children so we felt pretty safe that people were always cautious, even at night. My husband lets him out the same as every night for the past 6 years. As we are locking up other doors and other before bed tasks, we heard a dog yelping the most awful yelp. We also happened to have a Beagle named Jack whom stayed in the backyard during the day, and came in at night. We immediately run to the back door thinking something happened to him. As soon as I slide the door open, my husband realizes it isn’t Jack, it’s Harley. I have never in the 12 years I have been with my husband seen him move so quickly. He made it from the back door to the front door, a distance of about 35 feet, in a matter of 2 seconds. To be honest I barely saw him, he moved so fast. For mothers out there I am sure you understand the fear you get when your child gets hurt. The kind of “I don’t want to look, because I don’t want to see how bad it is”. That was the same kind of horror I felt at that moment. I was so afraid to see what had happened to my sweet little Harley. As soon as my husband opened the front door, Harley hobbled in. I was relieved to see that he wasn’t mangled and covered in blood. My husband took him into the computer room, which is the first room as soon as you walk in our front door. He immediately laid Harley down and began to exam him. At first it wasn’t obvious what his injuries were. He had a small drop of blood on his nose and leg. Then as Harley began to sit up we noticed his right front paw was dangling just above the first joint (wrist). Luckily my mother has used the same vet for 30 years. She called him at home and he came into his office to exam Harley. It was apparent to him that his leg was broken completely into. He sedated him, wrapped his leg and kept him overnight to examine him further the next morning. When they took the x-rays they actually found that he had several fractures within about a 4 inch area. Surgery was scheduled to place pins and rods 2 days later. Harley finally got to come home after 5 days. We were so glad to have him back home. He had to stay in a crate 24/7, except to use the bathroom, which we walked outside with him now. Harley was not very happy about that since he hadn’t been in a crate for a little more than 2 years. After about 10 days we noticed that his leg seemed to be a little crooked, just below the last pin. We schedule to take him back to the vet in 2 days. By then his leg was almost in the shape of an “L”. It was obvious there was another break they hadn’t noticed. Sure enough when they took another x ray he had another break. The vet decided to take the pins and rods out and put a splint on. He was to wear the splint for the next 6-8 weeks, and come in every 2 weeks to be re-checked and have a new splint put on. On the second 2 week re-check, which had now been approximately 6 weeks since he was hit, the vet , whom I should say was not the same vet that initially saw him, told us that it didn’t seem to be healing, He then proceeded to tell us that our only options were to take him to an ER vet 70 miles away and pay $1,500.00, what he guessed it would cost, to have a metal plate put in, or amputate. He gives us all the x rays and sends us on our way. I would gladly have paid the estimated $1,500.00 to have the surgery done, but we had already spent $1,200.00, and we just could not afford it. Amputation was not something I was even going to think about. The thought of it made me burst into tears. We opted for “our” option. We were going to keep it splinted, and give it more time. Every 2 weeks for the next 6 weeks we did just that. He seemed to be doing better. Each time we changed the splints we could see that the bones seemed to be fusing. As he lifted his leg you could definitely see that it was getting straighter. Then one day as he was walking down the hall after coming back in from outside, we heard a snap. Harley didn’t seem to notice so we thought maybe he just hit it or something. A couple of days later he started chewing at his splint and I noticed what seemed to be like an irritated spot at the top of his leg. I changed his splint and put extra padding in that area thinking maybe it was just a raw spot. My husband and I decided we were going to call the vet, the first one that saw him, and get him to check it out and see how it was healing. We had everything arranged for him to go in that Saturday, which was 3 days away. That evening Harley had chewed completely through all the bandages, exposing almost his entire leg. The area that I thought was just a raw spot had now made it’s way down his leg. By now his entire leg was red, swollen, and oozing a horrible yellow substance. It smelled awful and we knew he couldn’t wait 3 days. I was terrified. I felt so bad that I had written it off as an irritated area. We agreed he needed to go first thing in the morning. It had progressed so quickly. At the vets office the next morning, we explained to the vet that we hadn’t been back because the other vet had made us feel as though we shouldn’t bring Harley back. That he seemed to not care about him. We understood that we should have called and spoke to him sooner, but we were hurt that someone could act as though they didn’t care about our dog the way we did. He apologized and said he was sorry that the other vet made us feel that way and he assured us that he would do everything he could for Harley. He ended up keeping Harley for the day and called us that afternoon. Harley had an infection in his leg and they gave him an antibiotic injection that should clear it up very quickly. He had also taken another x ray that showed his leg was still broken completely into. He thought that it may have been healing and the snap we heard re-broke it. He was going to re-splint it and send him home for 3 weeks, after which we would bring him back in to have another x ray and see if it was healing. If it showed no sign of improvement amputation would be necessary. Over the next 3 weeks we prayed daily with our children. The thought of having to cut his leg off was unimaginable. It had been almost 5 months since he was hit. He had been through so much, we all had. He had learned how to walk with 3 legs and was pretty good at it. We new that wouldn’t be that difficult, but it was still hard to even imagine amputation. All we could do was pray. In 3 weeks we took him back. The x ray showed no improvement. We were mortified. The vet sent him home with a scheduled amputation date 2 weeks later. Yesterday was that day. I set my children down and explained to them that it was what had to be done. We didn’t want Harley to get another infection, and we wanted him to be able to have his life back. To be able to go outside and play with them. To be able to run around the house after them. To play hide and seek and have him always let the seeker know where everyone was hiding. Too run his circles around them again. We were all upset, but we had tried everything. The vet have even called the ER vet to see how much he would charge him to do the corrective surgery. He was given a price of $3,000.00. If only I had it I would have paid it. Harley had been through enough. I took my daughters to school, and then headed to the vet. My son, who is 2 and a half, knew that Harley was getting his leg cut off, but I don’t think he quite understood. I had to be strong for my kids, and for Harley. The lady that came to take Harley from me explained that she had a Yorkie that had it’s leg amputated 2 years ago and that she could run circles around her other 4 legged dogs. I knew that he would be fine. He would learn to function without the leg. I knew that he was probably ready for it to be over with. He had pretty much learned how to do things without it already. I just DIDN”T WANT TO DO IT! I gave Harley a kiss, told him I loved him, and walked out the door. I strapped my son in his car seat, and got in my car. As I was pulling out of the parking lot it finally hit me. I couldn’t hold the tears back any longer. It wasn’t just the one tear down the cheek kind of cry. It was the sniffles, snot running out your nose, couldn’t breath cry. My dog was losing his leg. I had failed him. What had he done to deserve to have his leg cut off. If I had only taken 3 minutes to walk outside with him none of this would ever have happened. It was MY FAULT. Then it turned to anger. If only the vet hadn’t made us feel like he didn’t care, we would have never stopped taking him. He would have had better care and it probably would have been healed now. He would be out in the yard running and barking at the kids. I was so angry I just wanted to march in that vets office and punch him. I wanted him to know it was his fault and he was responsible for having to amputate my dogs leg. But it wasn’t any body’s fault. Accidents happen. Shit happens and sometimes we will never understand why. Today I got to go pick Harley up. They were amazed at how well he was doing. Apparently most dogs go into shock when they awaken and notice a limb is missing, but Harley didn’t. He stayed calm. They had had him up an walking and he was doing great. When I arrived at the vets office to pick him up I took my oldest daughter. I had explained to her how important it was to not freak out when she saw him. I told her no matter how scary it looks let him see that you are happy to see him and that you still love him. I was telling myself the same thing. I wasn’t sure what to expect and I was scared myself. When they brought him out I was just as happy to see him as he was to see me. He was walking. With 3 legs! He started to run to me and then he jumped up on me. WOW!!! I was amazed by him. If I had my leg cut off there was no way the next day I would be that happy. He was. He was happy just to see his family. It didn’t matter to him how many legs he had, as long as he had us. Today is the first day to what I am sure will be a difficult recovery for all of us. While I am still sad that we had to have his leg amputated I am so grateful to still have him. I realize it could have turned out a lot worse. I am sure we will have our ups and downs, but I finally understand all Harley ever wanted was his family. Nothing else, even his leg really mattered. He has been home for about 8 hours and has spent most of his time sleeping, but he is such a strong boy. His first trip outside to use the bathroom he suprised us and took off up the stairs before we could pick him up. He didn’t miss a beat. I guess he showed us, huh?